Wow 2018! Can you be as good to me as 2017?
I have to say that 2017 was not bad to me. At all. I feel like it was a much needed, not a transition year, but the year I really got at my goals. That sounds so dumb.
In 2015, and 2016 I would say those years I did a lot of set up for 2017 and beyond. In those years I was doing nothing but Indie film projects, with working at a cafe. I also took that Tour Director Program to get certified. I also was planning a wedding. For those that have planned a wedding you know what it’s like. It really does consume your whole life, and we even had a small wedding!
So, to say it better: 2017 was just a year that things just started to come together. Finally. I started to do bigger projects as a 1stAD. I did less of those 1-day short film projects. Not that I’m better than that but I was doing more challenging scheduling. I need to do bigger stuff if I expect to get better.
I started to finally do tours as a tour director. I also went back to working on union sets, and focused on NOT working my back-up gig at the cafe.
2017 was also a year that I didn’t just work for anyone. There were now people I just DID NOT want to work with. I wasnt taking anything out there that was offered.
2017 was also another year that I got rejected from the DGA training program. Ya know that super challenging program to get into – where they take like 6 people a year. yeah that one.
Why is this year different? I did an awesome interview. I had stacked my resume with all these 1stAD gigs I did. I went into the interview confident. “Shoe-in for sure.” I thought. The guy liked me! So, when I got my lovely rejection letter I was crushed once again. But 2017 was the year I actually learned why I was rejected. I never, for years, understood why. The film industry is a very tricky, and challenging arena. And when you proudly say to someone you are an advocate for fairness and justice – that doesn’t exactly fly with people in this industry. It’s an immediate red flag. They need people that are moldable. They didn’t see that in me. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I came to terms as to why I’ve been rejected repeatedly. I was finally my true self in that interview. I’m proud of that.
You can learn and transform from mentorship, feedback, and critique, and still believe in justice. Jesus!
I learned a lot in 2017. Being my true self and being comfortable with my choices is a great realization and lesson to learn. There are some people that make me feel less then or inadequate. Well this year I chose not to be around those people. In years past I’d flex, and adjust to make sure whoever liked me, or wanted to be around me. I cut my loses. I smartened up?
Ya know there’s that saying: “Being uncomfortable is good for you. It helps you grow.” I wouldn’t say this to be true in all scenarios. There’s a point where you know that you belong or don’t belong with certain folks. You can’t possibly get along great with everyone and mesh well with all folks. Hey, some people can, God bless ’em! I’m fairly introverted. I like to be sincere. If I don’t connect with you, I just don’t. It’s hard to make great connections when in the film industry you have a lot of shallow, and insincere people. On set though – that’s my safe haven. It’s hard work, and not everyone is nice, but dammit people on set are honest with you. When I worked in Film Distribution I found there to be more of that BS then ever! Working with desperate producers doing Indie work as a 1stAD I dealt with so many producers that weren’t “in it” for the right reasons. I found what kind of peeps I wanna be around. I like being on set. It’s why I want to be a DGA 1stAD.
I grew a lot in 2017. I had a lot of fun. I actually had 4 weeks off without struggling for money! I think that’s the first for me. I did more reflection this year than I have in past years. I thanked a lot of people for helping me along the way. I feel like I pushed more to reach my film goals. I had several people to thank for that. I wanted to let certain people know that I appreciated them. So, I guess I walked into 2018 being thankful. Which to be honest I’ve never had that happen.
I hope 2018 is good to me.